Ukraine: Mélovin – Under The Ladder

Felix: Ukraine, now what’s up with this one? While I’m watching it, it’s a perfectly okay song. It’s captivating and driving, the performance is decent and memorable, and in general it’s actually quite an edgy entry, so that should be a good sign for Ukraine. But it isn’t.

Unfortunately, “Under The Ladder” has zero sustainability. It’s a sonic piece of soap. As soon as it’s over, it goes “plop!”… and Ukraine is lost in the bathwater. Maybe it’s too driving and pacy? Maybe the chorus lacks something? I don’t know what it is, but despite the ingredients being fine, the meal served up lacks nutrients.

That draw in a weak semi-final is the only good news for Ukraine, but as soon as they are in the final, it will become a tough game for them.

I certainly don’t dislike this one. But in the 2018 list of “entries I don’t dislike”, it’s probably my last place.  And there’s really nothing more to say about it.

Shi: It’s one of those entries that feel proper and competent but I’d be hard pressed to highlight a particular selling point, beyond feeling like some effort was put into it and that it’s performed by a professional. Although I suppose in the context of this semi-final those are the selling points of this.

Martin: I’m more positive overall (I think this can squeeze into the top 10), but I do share that feeling of enjoying Ukraine more while it’s happening than after the event. The “oh oh oh” section is ultra-catchy and he’s an appealing performer in an Asa-Butterfield-styled-as-a-high-school-goth kind of way, but the whole thing is weirdly transitory.

video and title image source: eurovision.tv

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Slovenia: Lea Sirk – Hvala, ne

Felix: What do Elhaida Dani, Vilija Matačiūnaitė and Anri Jokhadze have in common? They sang what I thought were the most awful Eurovision songs of the decade. What achievement does Lea Sirk accomplish in 2018? Her song is even worse than “I’m Alive”, “Attention” and “I’m A Joker” combined.

While “Hvala, ne” begins rather okay, they can’t be serious with the chorus, can they? Of course, you can try and stuff as many syllables into as few notes with even less melody as possible, but then the music doesn’t fit the lyrics and vice versa. And even the music alone: The so-called “chorus” sounds like a bridge, builds up, and then suddenly… beep beep… hvala, ne… no thanks? No thanks to a fucking CHORUS?

Someone in Slovenia must have found something good about this mess, but I, a musician with over 35 years of experience, fail to. As will Europe, juries included.

Elhaida Dani had more elegance, “Attention!” was more to the point, and while “I’m A Joker” was horrible too, it had at least more coherence.

Slovenia is a beautiful country. EMA had many good alternatives.

But further exposure to this tasteless, abysmal, unprofessional entry? Hvala, ne.

Shi: The song title is a self-fulfilling prophecy if I’ve ever heard one.

Martin: Slovenia really feels like a small country these last few years. I don’t want to pile in on the negativity party, as I feel like we’ve been negative enough already – and it’s certainly true that I don’t hate this song as much as Felix does. (Who could?) But it’s not especially great and the chorus quickly becomes naggingly irritating. Never a great sign.

video and title image source: eurovision.tv

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Montenegro: Vanja Radovanović – Inje

Shi:

1. Vanja Radovanović feat. Balkan Allstars – Lane moje zauvijek moja vukovi umiru sami lejla rijeka bez imena oro lijepa tena bistra voda verjamem nije ljubav stvar moj svijet (Inje) (The Ultimate Balkan Ballad Megamix Eurovision Version) [3:00]
2. Vanja Radovanović feat. Balkan Allstars – Lane moje zauvijek moja vukovi umiru sami lejla rijeka bez imena oro lijepa tena bistra voda verjamem nije ljubav stvar moj svijet (Inje) (The Ultimate Balkan Ballad Megamix Karaoke Version) [3:00]

Martin: Haha, I totally get Shi’s point, and yet I have to disagree with her verdict because I really quite like “Inje”. OK, it’s not on a par with Montenegro’s other two qualifiers, but it’s clearly fishing in the same pond, and it may get enough votes to squeeze through just by dint of being a vaguely normal song in this semi-final line-up.

Felix: I preferred Montenegro last year. Otherwise, what both Shi and Martin said.

video and title image source: eurovision.tv

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Sweden: Benjamin Ingrosso – Dance You Off

Felix: Sweden at Eurovision equates to professionalism, success, raising the bar, and not leaving anything to chance. While for many people, me included, the Swedish approach comes across as mechanical and sterile, they still manage to offer diversity within their regularly top-notch participations.

If we can go by the Melodifestivalen performance of “Dance You Off”, then we will see another slick Swedish presentation in Lisbon. Perfection, however, brings along a big problem: It’s often hard to relate to Swedish performers. They often don’t appear as expressively performing artists, but rather as salesmen for a product. Which in itself isn’t wrong – songs are (also) products that need to be sold. But exclusively? Is that all? And isn’t it way too obvious that “this is all” in the case of Sweden at Eurovision?

Benjamin Ingrosso, and the creative people behind his show, are excellent salesmen. But this time it’s probably a bit too obvious that “this is all”, and that the product, the song, is rather poor. Sure, the production is crisp and sexy, has some interesting tonal timbres, and Benjamin is more likeable and relatable than his predecessors, but what a dull song this is. He will sell it though, at least enough for a ticket to the final.

Shi: Another song I can’t remember despite having heard it more than once! I do remember it does nothing for me, though, and that it lacked a lot in terms of an actual melody. But I also remember it worked visually and that he is a likable performer. An example of when the sum is larger than all the parts.

Martin: I have nothing to add to Felix’s analysis of “Sweden at ESC”, and even less to his comments on “Dance You Off”. This feels like one of the weaker iterations of the model and I get nothing from the song at all, but then falsetto disco isn’t really my style. I expect the juries will lap it up though.

video and title image source: eurovision.tv

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Latvia: Laura Rizzotto – Funny Girl

Martin: You’re looking at her. She’s looking at you. I’m list’nin to this. It’s not very good.

OK, that’s a bit unfair. “Funny Girl” is a perfectly okay song, and Laura Rizzotto is a perfectly okay singer. In fact, I’d go so far as to say she’s the best thing about the Latvian entry this year – she gives a measured and reasonably engaging performance that might well win people over to her cause, especially people who sit on a jury and have to find a way of ranking these songs in preference order.

But the fact remains that her cause is a middle-of-the-road song with relatively little to say for itself. It could qualify for the final, and threaten one of the automatic qualifiers for last place once it’s there. But would anyone really care?

What happened to that quirky, self-confident Latvia we briefly encountered when the Supernova concept was at its high point?

How would Rīgas Bebrs find anything to dance about here?

Come back, Latvia. We miss you.

Felix: It’s not okay, Martin. It’s not. This song is not okay.

Shi: I should relate to this.  I’m the eternal friendzoned funny girl and I should get the heartbreak of playing that role. The problem is that there’s nothing in the song or performance to suggest that Laura is really that “funny girl” type I know so well. Do some homework and try again, please.

video and title image source: eurovision.tv

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Hungary: AWS – Viszlát nyár

Shi: It’s always hard to review a song you feel you’re supposed to be the target audience for, and yet it just doesn’t work for you.

I know the genre here is really not for everyone, but it is completely something I’d listen to. True, it’s not uncommon to have bad examples of beloved genres at Eurovision – but in this case I don’t really think the song is bad, yet I still have a hard time relating to it. In part it’s because I don’t like the lead singer’s voice (the color, not the style), and that’s just a personal preference. But musically I do also feel the song falls short a bit in terms of having a memorable melody line and something that can capture the attention of people beyond the obvious target demographic.

Having said that, even if some of Hungary’s audience (like me) will struggle with the above facts, there’s something to be said for being a credibly composed and performed song in a popular enough genre and without much direct competition. For this reason alone, I think Hungary could qualify quite comfortably, and probably could have done so from a more difficult semi if they were the sole representatives of the genre there too.

Martin: Whereas I’m also the target audience for this and I freaking love it to bits. In fact it makes me so damn happy that this wonderful and difficult song (with the best Eurovision key change of the year, mind you) is taking part in “my” contest. I could cry. Seriously. And if AWS qualify for the final I just might.

Felix: YASSSSSS! Finally something that gives the whole weary Eurovision class of 2018 a kick up the ass. Heartwarming. Love it. Thank you, Hungary. Great stuff. And my 80-year-old mum loves it too.

video and title image source: eurovision.tv

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Malta: Christabelle – Taboo

Shi: Last week in the escgo! chatroom:

<Shi> alright, let’s check some Amsterdam performances
<Yamo> oh no, Malta…
<!MartinF> “oh no, Malta…” is my favourite kind of Malta

Two things:

1. I didn’t check Malta’s video from Eurovision in Concert 2018.
2. My favorite kind of Malta is Malta on mute.

To be fair, “Taboo” is not the worst Maltese Eurovision song ever, but much like the Sammarinese entry, it is entirely unnecessary.

Basically, if someone ever invented an online Eurovision song generator, this would be the result. It is as generic as humanly possible, although it tries (and fails) to hide behind claims of an actual message. (They might be very sincere about that message, but it’ll be impossible to pick up on unless you are inside Christabelle’s brain, and I’d really rather not be. No offense.) It also comes with a whole “look at us, we’re unique and special and conceptual” visual package which will do absolutely nothing to change the impression viewers will have of the song, i.e. none whatsoever.

But it’s Malta, it’s a line-up that has San Marino in it and it’s freaking semi 2 of ESC 2018, so it might still actually qualify by the various miracles of math.

Felix: My last place is yet to come in our line-up check, and still, thinking about Malta already fills my cells with negative energy. Do I have to write more? I CAN’T EVEN.

Martin: There are times when I feel like I might be warming to this song, and then I hear the lazy animals/criminals line and all goodwill flies out of the window. This is so Maltese, very much the cousin to Amber’s “Warrior”, and I assume it’ll fall just short of qualification in the same way.

video and title image source: eurovision.tv

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Poland: Gromee feat. Lukas Meijer – Light Me Up

Martin: My initial response to “Light Me Up” was that it’s the 2018 version of last year’s Norwegian entry. Not that it’s the same genre as “Grab The Moment” as such, but there are obvious similarities – a contemporary, clothing-store-advert-ready tune by a DJ project fronted by a more charismatic singer, filling a niche that, for whatever reason, isn’t often directly addressed by ESC.

The producers obviously agree to an extent, as they’ve given it more or less the same slot in the running order. And yet that’s also where the similarities end.

Gromee isn’t faceless (or indeed masked) in the way that JOWST was, and that’s already less than ideal, because – much as I hate to say it – his image doesn’t quite fit the song. It’d be hypocritical to say he just seems too old for it considering he’s a month younger than me, but you know what I mean. Meanwhile, Lucas Meijer is not as vocally assured or naturally personable as Aleksander Walmann.

However, the friendly, accessible nature of the song, and especially the post-chorus instrumental drop, could easily be enough to create a nice moment of crowd participation and help Poland through to the grand final once again. Unlike Norway 2017, though, I don’t expect them to light up the scoreboard once they’re there – this is just too vanilla to make a real impact.

Felix: How cheap can a Eurovision entry be? Poland must have thought “oh, this sounds like 2018, let’s vote for it!”, and they picked one of the worst options they had in their strong national final. Musically flat, optically irritating, you don’t win a song contest on television with this.

Shi: It came up on my shuffle this morning and I had no clue what it was. Once I looked at the screen and realized it was this, I tried to remember what it sounds like. While I was one of the biggest Norway supporters last year, this lacks the hook, the groove and someone with the same performing ability.

video and title image source: eurovision.tv

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Georgia: Iriao – For You

Martin: Oh, Georgia. What an addition they’ve been to the Eurovision family. In the last few years alone, the Caucasian nation has given us melodramatic balladry, psychedelic rock, a gothic warrior and a ragtag bunch of skydiving space jumpers. “Eclectic” doesn’t even come close.

Enter Iraio – or, if you believe the official documentation, “Ethno-Jazz Band Iraio”, because their internal selection as the Georgian representatives for ESC 2018 wasn’t weird enough already.

“For You” (the disappointingly mundane translation of the exotic-sounding “Sheni gulistvis”) isn’t really what I’d expect from a genre calling itself ethno-jazz, to be honest. It’s a multi-layered vocal exercise, part monastic choir, part epic historical movie soundtrack. And whatever else it may be, it’s blooming lovely. It feels like a dose of much-needed musical honesty in this patchy semi-final.

At Israel Calling, the guys showed a bit of personality in their interactions, and that’ll be important to stop “For You” from coming across as self-important and overly serious. Get that balance right and, who knows, there could be an unlikely qualification in the stars for Georgia this year. But even if not, they get an unequivocal douze points from me for the sheer variety they keep bringing to the contest.

Felix: So good to see that in 2018, something like this has its place in Eurovision. It’s not a favourite of mine, but I do enjoy it, and will be very happy if Georgia qualifies.

Shi: This is a lovely composition and orchestration that in normal circumstances would be doomed, but in this semi with its limited options, juries will still need to vote for ten songs and great-grandparents have some voting power too (once someone shows them how to use a smartphone). Weirder things have happened.

video and title image source: eurovision.tv

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